it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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