And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
