dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
