I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
is wine microwaveable?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
