im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
