There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
