You just made me feel so damn special
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
