My balls are so social today.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
