It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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