Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
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I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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