Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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