How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
