My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
