Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
