Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
