I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
