I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
