well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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