My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
