I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
