5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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