you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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