47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
