Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
