Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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