had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
