That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
