So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
