I just saw a hot homeless man
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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