I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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