so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
