He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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