my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
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he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
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Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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