I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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