addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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