we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
