Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
