Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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