You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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