meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
