Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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