Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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