Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
