I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
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I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.