so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon