So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.