Im at strip club and am horny
hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD