listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.