ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
