he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
