I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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