wrigley field is MILF paradise
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Success! We fucked roommates!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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