just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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