wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
