I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
