if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
