You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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