I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
