bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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