You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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