He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
