My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
