Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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