If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
