OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
