this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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