I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
