I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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