Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
