dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
honey bunches of taint.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
