I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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