In the future we'll all be gay
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
