you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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