So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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