hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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