ugly people sure do ruin things
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Nobody cheats on THIS.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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