I want you more than these girls want KFC
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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