Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
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Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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