Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
