I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
